I was arriving a little late for my grandson's graduation party, so I had to park
around the corner and as I walked towards the house I became aware of noise,
an amorphous sound something like thunder although the sky was a clear blue
and I hadn’t heard of any storm forecast in our area. As I got closer it seemed to
get louder... sounding less like thunder and more like a roar. The roar became
voices, many, shouting over other. They were coming from Debbie's house.
Oh no! I felt the anger rise in me. Were they at it again?! They knew that
the subject of politics was not to be brought up when we were all together.
That rule goes so far back that some of the family were not even born when
it started, but we reminded them often enough. During the Vietnam War in
the 70’s, the arguments back and forth between the anti-war and pro-war
beliefs of myself and my siblings were so intense that our mother became
…well, if not hysterical, almost.
“Stop it !Stop it!,” she would yell, looking up at the at the ceiling, (The
Heavens). Her 4 children were going to kill each other!
“We’re a family,” she’d remind us; or “It’s a holiday,” ( if it was one).
“We love each other,” was her favorite. And we did most of the time, if
not right at that very moment. But Mom’s final plea was tinged with
panic, “The neighbors are going to call the police!!” All the poor woman
wanted was for us to just be nice to each other and talk about nice things.
That war ended but other controversies brought out the opposing passions
in the family. Even the baseball seasons of spring and summer were ripe for
our highly emotional clashes; we long suffering Brooklyn Dodger fans,
versus the “arrogant” Yankee fans. Did they have to win all the time! But
when the Dodgers, in that most traitorous act, abandoned us for California,
we were too dispirited to care anymore.
The years passed, the family grew. We had babies, sweet little things until
they grew up and became just as strong-headed and opinionated as we were.
And then their children followed in their footsteps…no tiptoeing in our
family!
Of course, election times were and are the most intense and God Bless
America they come along very often. But we explained to my mother, now
‘Nana’ to our children, “we’re not fighting with each other, we just have a
‘difference of opinion’ as all concerned, involved citizens have," we were
proud to point out.
“Never mind,” was her answer, “You don‘t have to say everything that’s on
your mind and if you feel that you’re just going to explode just leave the
room…go out to the porch, get a cold drink…get a hot drink…”
This happened last year at Thanksgiving dinner, the evening so far had
been wonderful, small ‘catching up’ talk between the cousins. But when my
grandsons left the room together with red faces and gritted teeth, I
followed them. They were arguing about the past baseball season as avid
sports fans do, with emotions that ran the gamut from anger and hostility at
those ‘arrogant Yankees’ from the long suffering Mets fans. It was all too
familiar to me… some things never change. Wasn’t sports supposed to fun?
Not for these fans!
“Please,” I said, “don’t you two start, we want to have a pleasant afternoon.
But I knew, even before the words were out of my mouth that I went too far.
“Why not?!” said my grandson Neil, “this is a free country…I have a
Right to speak. No one can stop me…”
I nodded my head, “Free country, yes, of course you have the right…”
I read once that to defuse a very angry person you should agree with them
so I nodded. “ Yes, free speech.” Shake…“No one can stop you…” Nod...Shake
.
It seemed to calm them both.
“Come on boys, we’re ready for dessert, we have pumpkin pie with
whipped cream,” I purred, “apple crumb cake, chocolate chip cookies…
the real kind…” That did it!
But today was a special occasion,we were celebrationg my grandson's graduation.
I got to her house and rang the bell. My daughter answered, “What’s going on ?!”
I asked. She could tell that I was angry.
“Mom! Hi…nothing’s going on. Why?”
“I can hear you all the way up the block, and so can your neighbors!”
Debbie laughed, “They’re away this weekend. And we just have a
difference of opinion, that’s all.” She led me into the living room.
“Hey, everyone, Grandma’s here.” They called a temporary truce to greet
me; hugs and kisses all around.
“These hugs’ I said, “are from me and also from Nana. I’ll call her on the
speaker phone after dinner.”
Yes‘Nana,’ is the same mother who throughout the years has pleaded with
us to ‘be nice’ when we were together. At 97 years old, she couldn’t easily
take the car ride to us from the Jersey Shore.
The ‘difference of opinion” at our dinner table was not as bad as it could
have been because the thing about eating is that when your mouth is happily
busy with food, it inhibits the talking, and the shouting. But with the last
bite it started again.
Until I announced, “I’m calling Nana on the speaker phone, so let’s keep it
down.”
“Mom, We’re all here for Lenny’s graduation party, everybody says Hello”.
“Hi Nana, we miss you “ called out all the voices.
“Hello, my dears, and are you all behaving yourselves?” We knew what
she meant.
I didn’t want to outright lie to her. “Well, Mom, there is a little
disagreement, not too bad…( not bad enough for the cops to show up, I
almost joked, then decided against it). But I wasn’t fooling her.
“What is it about today, not still about the elections?” she asked.
“No, no that’s over. This time they were arguing about Buble.”
A pause, “What’s a Buble?”
Everyone laughed. “Mom. It’s a he. Michael Buble is a singer.“
“Never heard of him. Is he any good?”
Ha! good question. It was in fact the question, the one that caused today’s
uproar.
“He’s okay,” answered Neil. “Some people think he’s great and some of us
think he’s just an imitator…”
At his words angry sounds of protest came from around the room.
“Oh, never mind about him” said my mother. The best one ever… was Bing
Crosby!”
“Bing?” asked 11 year old, Emily“ you mean like the search engine Bing?”
“What’s a search engine” asked my mother.
“Emily, Bing Crosby was a singer, a long time ago. Mom, I’ll explain
about a search engine later. But now Haley wants to talk to you.”
“Nana, do you know any of the new singers?" she asked.
“I do,” she said, with a chuckle. “I know that Gaga Lady…”
I saw her on television.” my mother continued. She was wearing…” with
that she burst out laughing and we couldn’t make out her words. “She was
wearing a meat dress…meat!” she repeated over her gales of laughter.
Imagine if your Cooper was there!”
When he heard his name Cooper, the Beagle came running into the room,
tail wagging.
“Or our dog Brandy” said Natalie.
Then they all started calling out the names of dogs they know, or ever knew,
dogs on the block, dogs they had seen on television and in the movies.
“Or Benji” called out Charles.
“Lassie!” cried Emily.
"Snoopy" offered Bonnie.
"Rin Tin Tin" shouted Haley.
“Toto” said Larry.
“And flies” screamed out Eric. “Flies like meat too!”
By now the room was rocking with their laughter, each had their own
image of barking dogs and buzzing flies making their way to the meat
dress on the stage.
So the evening ended in fun and harmony, which made Nana and myself
very happy, even though we knew that it was just until the next time we got
together when they would bring up any and every controversial topic big or
small that they could think of.
THE END
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