"Free Shipping"
It's 3am and I'm up! Eyes wide open...with, I'm sure, most of
my fellow seniors everywhere. Maybe our aches and pains woke u
us, or we have to go to the bathroom or to add something to our 'To
Do' list. Could be all three reasons.
"Again, Ma?" said my daughter Debbie when I told her over
the phone. "You say that every day...what's it about?"
I explained it, and added, "also, y'know... worrying."
"Why? We're all ok."
I nodded,..."The World. I'm worrying about The World."
"The what???"
"The World", I repeated, "your world, my world..."
And then over the phone I sensed her eye roll, her first of the day,
(but probably not her last,)
"So...how does it help your....our world when you get up
at night and worry about it?"
"I know, you're right" I said, and the usual cliches popped
into my head;
'Life is too short to spend it worrying.'
'Stay in the moment, not in tomorrow.'
'It could always be worse!'
'Worry causes wrinkles.' (Ha! Now they tell me!))
"But Deb, I do try to go back to sleep. I turn on the TV..."
"The TV," she interrupted, "how can that put you to sleep. If
anything it'd keep you awake...you'd want to see how the
movie ends..."
"Uh uh, no way do I watch a movie...too risky, they'll throw a
surprise ending at you, maybe something awful! I also don't watch
crime shows, hospital dramas... no hurt children, or lost dogs,
and never news, especially breaking news! "
"Well, that's everything!" said Debbie."So, what else is there...
'Housewives'"?
"Ugh, and more ugh! They're too nasty for me in the middle of the
night...or the middle of the day for that matter." No,
I watch the shopping channel. They sell everything at that
hour, from soup to nuts, literally... to women's clothing,
that's my favorite. Now they're showing summer dresses, pants,
tops in colors like 'majestic purple', 'azaela pink', 'geranium'..."
" Mmmm... nice," said Debbie,"that must send you back to sleep."
"Well... yes and no. Some of the T shirts in the designers'
collection's are named with delicious sounding colors such as
'papaya', 'peach', 'pink grapefruit','apricot,' 'cranberry',
'watermelon', and 'candy apple red'! Ohhh, that sends me alright,
into the kitchen.
"Ma, no."
"Then, after my snack, I called the TV station to order some T's..."
"Why, you could've ordered them this morning...at a normal time."
"No, they were offering 'free shipping' but only for that hour...they
know their audience, we seniors watch our 'pennies'"
"Yeah, I know, like using your tea bag over again..."
I laughed, that was one of Debbie's favorite subjects, me and my
tea bags.
"So, what did you buy?"
I couldn't speak, a yawn was coming on... a big one...
"Ma? Are you there?"
"Uh ...I gotta go... talk to you later."
"Are you ok ?"
I was sinking fast, "Nap...need a nap," I grunted a few
more incoherent words, and hung up the phone.
THE END
NO FILTER
Okay, so I did it again, not a crime...not a sin, but "not nice!"
That's what I was told as soon as we left the party; "Ma, do you
have to say everything that comes into your mind?"
I've heard that a lot, most recently from a stranger to our group at
a 'Life Style' meeting."You seniors, you just say anything that
pops into your head!" was the comment. It was also, clearly, an
accusation.
So what was I, with my reputation for a big mouth, supposed to
do? Deny it? Defend it? Explain it?All three came to mind
instantly.
1) The first, denial would be the simplest The debate would run
short course; I'd say," It's not true, she'd say, "It is." I'd repeat it
with the utmost vehemence. End of conversation.
2) Defend it. " Well, why not? " I would say with a
touch of impatience. "We spend a lifetime being tactful, watching
our words, swallowing our thoughts. One of these years...or days,
one way or the other, each of us will be rendered speechless, so
why not speak now?"
She was referring to the comment I made to my friend's son
Adam who was there with his girlfriend, Carol.They had been
going together for years, and from my viewpoint of the
Fifties era, after the couple dated for a little while they got
married! This was ridiculous.
So, coming from that culture I blurted out, as we were
leaving," So, Adam, why don't you marry the girl already!"
There were several embarrassed expressions... none looking
directly at me. Only Debbie's eye roll clued me in to what I just
did, and, accompanied by her head shaking I knew it was bad!
"Weren't those cupcakes out of this world," I said, "love
to get that recipe."
"My mother is very good at that" I heard Debbie say in a loud
whisper.
A compliment! "Well, thanks! Especially my chocolate
chips ones!"
"No Ma, I mean you're good at changing the subject."
Now it was my turn to be embarrassed, My daughter knew me so
well !
"C'mon" I said to Debbie as we got into the car, "It wasn't so
terrible what I told them, they weren't hurt or angry...and," I
added,"people don't mind.!"
"You mean like the young mother at Stop and Shop the other day,
she did mind!"
"You think so? All I did was tell her that the carrier wasn't
comfortable for the baby."
"And that her five years old's daughter's jacket wasn't buttoned
right!"
"So?"
"So, you don't even know her."
"No, I never saw her before and probably never will again..."
"That's why, ...it's none of..."
"my business ?" I finshed her sentence.
" How would you like if people tell YOU whatever they think.?"
"Like what?"
"Well, let's see, head to toe, you really should get a shorter hair
cut, grey hair is not attractive if it's long...and how about a touch
up more often...also the texture is too coarse, you need to try a new
conditioner..." her eyes swept to my feet, "hmmm, sandals with
socks, Ma, really! She continued, " and... using the same tea bag
over again..."
"Stop! that's enough! I get it...!"
So,okay, she's right I thought, I'll try to keep my opinions to
myself. I knew it would not be easy, because I have a zillion of
them on every possible subject. They have a way of adding up as
the years add up for a senior.
But although I was feeling badly about my remarks to Adam
it wasn't for too long. A few days after the party we got the news,
Adam and Carol announced their engagement and would be
married in the Fall! Their family's and friends were thrilled, but I
started to worry.
What if, up ahead in the future, even in the distant future, if the
marriage didn't work out, would they all remember that it was me
that urged it?
Now that is a really good reason to keep my big mouth shut!
THE END
