"I Win. You Lose"

                                               " I WIN. YOU LOSE "


"Does everything have to be a competition between you two!" I exclaimed,

 as we met for brunch at our local diner.
.
"Ma, competition is good, it's what makes out country great!" cried Steve and

 Debbie nodded in agreement.

So, America is great because these two kids of mine can't help but compete in

everything, big, small and in between? But at least they agreed on something,

I was grateful for that.

Steve was two years older than Debbie; the rivalry between them began when

they were in elementary school with board games such as checkers and Monopoly.

It kept them occupied when outdoor play was not an option and when his and her

friends were not available.But it wasn't just a 'game' between them, it was a contest,

a rivalry. And the rivalry went from that to their own imaginative contests, some of

which I was not too happy about!

But they weren't kids anymore, they each had their own kids now.

Today's contest was fairly simple and harmless; 'Which of us has the best,

I lost or broke my cell phone  story'.I heard it with relief, recalling some of

their earlier contests; years earlier...such as the day that I came home with two

gallons of ice cream (they were on sale) and Steve challenged Debbie to 'who

can eat the most'. So each took a container and dug in. I was busy upstairs and

didn't know about it until Debbie came up holding her stomach; "Oohh, I have

such a stomach ache" she moaned and filled me in with the details.

"But you know," I scolded, "we all know that Steve has a cast iron stomach,

nothing bothers him. How could you agree to it?" Then I pulled out that old

cliche: "If he challenged you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?"

"Huh... bridge?....Ma!" she moaned, too miserable to follow what I was

pointing out to her.

But one that I really hated was the one they dreamed up the winter that he

 was in High School and she in the 8th grade when both were sick with the flu.

 They called it 'The Sufferer Award'.

"I was achy, every inch of me," Debbie began, "it hurt just to sit there!"

"I hurt too..." he said. "And I had a high fever."

"So did I" said Debbie.

"One hundred and three....and a half?!"

"Well, maybe not that high, but I was sick to my stomach, couldn't eat, vomiting all day."

"I was in the bathroom all day too, diarrhea, that's worse."said Steve.

They then began a graphic description of both, the contest became; 'spewing

from which end of the body was more disgusting? '

"So, who thought this one up.?.."I asked them and the instant those words came

out of my mouth I regretted it.

"I did!" exclaimed Steve."Me! cried Debbie, in unison.

What have I done. set them up in competition in their mother's eyes?

" I know, you're both brilliant! You both have great ideas... but this is a

contest that neither of you should want to win, 'The Sufferer Award'.The

 'winner' is the 'loser'...so stop it!!"

As I rattled on, my voice,even to my own ears sounded a little hysterical.

They looked at each other and started to laugh," Ma, it's okay, this is fun for us"

said Debbie, calming me down.

Today's contest would be easy on me compared to that one and some of the

others over the years.

Steve spoke first, "I was walking down the street talking on the phone.When

I came to the corner I tripped over some trash, and the phone flew out of my

hand onto the sidewalk..."

"So, pick it up," interrupted his sister.

"...and bounced...into a sewer! Gone! I can see it down there but couldn't reach it."

"Ha!" said Debbie, good one, but mine beats it  So...my phone is in my jeans pocket,

I go to the bathroom, when I get up off the toilet the phone falls out of my pocket and

into the toilet..."

Steve was not impressed (and neither was I). "Put your hand in the toilet and take it out.

I couldn't reach into the sewer...but you...."

"Well, I...."

 "Or are you too dainty to do that? Just pick it up!"

"Well, yes, I started to...but the toilet had the automatic flush, it was gone before

I could get to it."

The image was too much, we all burst out laughing; and then I did something I never did,

"You win Debbie!"

Steve started to protest." But the sewer..."

"That was good but the toilet is better." I said.

Debbie was beaming.

"Steve wasn't happy, "Ma, you can't decide," he said.

"Yes, I can, I'm the mother!"

"Oh no! We decide!"

"What do you mean?" I asked,

"We talk it over... we negotiate.."

"Really? I didn't know that...how mature." I was truly impressed. a warm

 glow surged through me, a mother's pride; I bent over to give each one a kiss.

"But which one?" asked Steve with a frown.

"Which one ... what?"

"Which one of us is more mature?" asked Debbie.

OMG, I thought, this is a no win situation for me....I don't want to do this

...uh, uh. I picked up the menu, "Let's order " I said, thinking, I'll eat quickly

and then get out of here! I'll tell them that I have important errands...or anything!

Then I caught it! Debbie winked at Steve, Steve winked back at Debbie.

What in the world...? "You kids" I laughed, as I ordered my waffles smothered

with maple syrup.


                                                                 THE END