Okay, so I did it again, not a crime...not a sin, but "not nice!"
That's what I was told as soon as we left the party; "Ma, do you
have to say everything that comes into your mind?"
I've heard that a lot, most recently from a stranger to our group at
a 'Life Style' meeting."You seniors, you just say anything that
pops into your head!" was the comment. It was also, clearly, an
accusation.
So what was I, with my reputation for a big mouth, supposed to
do? Deny it? Defend it? Explain it?All three came to mind
instantly.
1) The first, denial would be the simplest The debate would run
short course; I'd say," It's not true, she'd say, "It is." I'd repeat it
with the utmost vehemence. End of conversation.
2) Defend it. " Well, why not? " I would say with a
touch of impatience. "We spend a lifetime being tactful, watching
our words, swallowing our thoughts. One of these years...or days,
one way or the other, each of us will be rendered speechless, so
why not speak now?"
She was referring to the comment I made to my friend's son
Adam who was there with his girlfriend, Carol.They had been
going together for years, and from my viewpoint of the
Fifties era, after the couple dated for a little while they got
married! This was ridiculous.
So, coming from that culture I blurted out, as we were
leaving," So, Adam, why don't you marry the girl already!"
There were several embarrassed expressions... none looking
directly at me. Only Debbie's eye roll clued me in to what I just
did, and, accompanied by her head shaking I knew it was bad!
"Weren't those cupcakes out of this world," I said, "love
to get that recipe."
"My mother is very good at that" I heard Debbie say in a loud
whisper.
A compliment! "Well, thanks! Especially my chocolate
chips ones!"
"No Ma, I mean you're good at changing the subject."
Now it was my turn to be embarrassed, My daughter knew me so
well !
"C'mon" I said to Debbie as we got into the car, "It wasn't so
terrible what I told them, they weren't hurt or angry...and," I
added,"people don't mind.!"
"You mean like the young mother at Stop and Shop the other day,
she did mind!"
"You think so? All I did was tell her that the carrier wasn't
comfortable for the baby."
"And that her five years old's daughter's jacket wasn't buttoned
right!"
"So?"
"So, you don't even know her."
"No, I never saw her before and probably never will again..."
"That's why, ...it's none of..."
"my business ?" I finshed her sentence.
" How would you like if people tell YOU whatever they think.?"
"Like what?"
"Well, let's see, head to toe, you really should get a shorter hair
cut, grey hair is not attractive if it's long...and how about a touch
up more often...also the texture is too coarse, you need to try a new
conditioner..." her eyes swept to my feet, "hmmm, sandals with
socks, Ma, really! She continued, " and... using the same tea bag
over again..."
"Stop! that's enough! I get it...!"
So,okay, she's right I thought, I'll try to keep my opinions to
myself. I knew it would not be easy, because I have a zillion of
them on every possible subject. They have a way of adding up as
the years add up for a senior.
But although I was feeling badly about my remarks to Adam
it wasn't for too long. A few days after the party we got the news,
Adam and Carol announced their engagement and would be
married in the Fall! Their family's and friends were thrilled, but I
started to worry.
What if, up ahead in the future, even in the distant future, if the
marriage didn't work out, would they all remember that it was me
that urged it?
Now that is a really good reason to keep my big mouth shut!
THE END
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