My Bucket List

                                            MY BUCKET LIST

We never run out of conversation when we're all together; one of my 

grandchildren is entering college, one is graduating, another just had her 

first child... etc. 

Tonight, I was the object of interest as I had a birthday coming up.

"So Grandma, what's on your bucket list?" asked 19 year-old Lenny.

"What is that?" asked Neil.

"It's a list," I said, "that a person, usually an older person, makes of

things they wish  that they had done when they were younger but still

want to do before they, uh...uh, go."

"Go where?" he asked; no one answered.

"So, what's on it?" asked Emily.

"Hmm, I don't have one," I said, "but I know what I wouldn't

put on my bucket list that everybody loves to."

"Tell us."

"One. Sky Diving, a fancy way to say, jump out of a plane. I wouldn't

do that if the plane was standing on the ground, no less in the air!

Two.  I have no wish to go down Niagara Falls in a barrel, I've seen

the Falls, they are awesome...from the shore."

Three. I know people are making reservations with Richard Branson, signing

up for the rocket ship to outer space, maybe the moon someday ..."

"I heard that Justin Bieber signed up for it," said Emily,"I'm putting

my name on that list."

"And so did Brad Pitt," said Lenny.

"He did?" I said. "With that adorable face of his?" They all burst out laughing,

loved it when I talked that way.

"Would you sign up for it?" asked Lenny.

"Hmmm," I said, "but is she going too?"

"She?" they asked.

 I nodded, "You know who."

" Ma, you would go into space? You don't even like to sit on the

balcony any more..." said Debbie.

"Well, I wouldn't go. Maybe I would just meet him at the space station, 

before he went. But not if she..."

Debbie rolled her eyes. "Ma, be serious...the kids really want to know."

"Hey," shouted Neil, holding up his i-Pad, "here are websites for

bucket list ideas, this one is called: Ten Thousand Ideas!!"

"Ten thousand! How long did it take to think of them all!"

"Wait, here's a list of 100 ideas, I'll read some to Grandma;  Feed

 the sharks. Swim with the crocodiles.Wrestle a bear." 

"Not quite my style," I said, laughing with them.

"Here's one," said Allison."Going in a gondola down the

Grand Canal in Venice."

"Ha! Did it! It was wonderful!" I said.

"I found another good list," said Allison,"Learn a language. Write a song.

Start a collection. Start a blog. Learn to play the guitar..."

"Wait!' I called, "That's it! For my bucket list!"

"Which one?" asked Debbie,"Learn a language...the guitar... a collection...?"

"Start a blog!" I exclaimed.

"A blog?" asked Debbie, coming closer to me. "What about?"

I waved my arms around the room, "About you! All of you. US!"

"Ma, no, you wouldn't," said Debbie.

"I would."

"You wouldn't! " she said again.

"I'll change the names," I said, even as my mind was already writing my first one.

                                                                     THE END

"The BEST"

                                              

                                                         "THE BEST"
                                                     

I had resolved after a few good 'lectures' from my daughter Debbie to try and not say everything that came into my head. But I forgot it from time to time, most recently,the day that we were all sitting around after our meeting at the senior center and the conversation went naturally to our children and grandchildren.

Debbie had just come to pick me up and take me to my doctor's visit. I knew how busy she was with her home,children and job. That she managed to fit my appointment in with her heavy schedule, I appreciated  more than I could say. I gave her a hug and announced to the room in general, "I have the best kids!" 

It was not met with the pleased look from her that I expected, but with more of a frown."Ma" she whispered, "Don't do that."

"Don't do what?" I asked, puzzled

"You know,"  she hissed between her teeth, " brag, boast...like you used to tell us!"

'Like you used tell us' Her words struck me like lightening, Life. The Turning Of The Wheel.  Now they are teaching me!
"But it's about you and your brother," I said, "how wonderful you are...don't you like it when I say that?"
"Sure," she pointed into the room, "but they think they have the 'best kids' too!"
 I just stared at her, she sounded so mature. Just as I was starting to give myself credit for that she went on... "And you did it last week too. You told everybody that living at the ocean was so special..."
as though it made you better than everyone else...!"
"It is special." I exclaimed, starting to get defensive. "All my adult life I have lived on ' Ocean Parkway' in Brooklyn," Beach Channel Drive in Belle Harbor, Long Beach Road, in Oceanside, here on Long Island. Why shouldn't I brag about it?"
"Yeah, well your new neighbor Gloria didn't love it!"
"Can you imagine, Deb, she had never even seen the ocean until now and she in her sixties!"
"So Ma, you made her feel bad?  Is that what you wanted ?"
"Not at all, she told me how she grew up in the mid -west on the banks of a river, "a big river",and how exciting that was."
"And what did you say Ma?" asked Debbie.
"Well, I suppose I could have been more polite..."
"Yeah, so what did you say!"
"I told her, ' a river is nice but a river is not an ocean! Our majestic sea touches continents, explorers crossed it and discovered our country...of course there were people here already" I hastened to add.
Her eye rolling began..."And...then what happened?"
"Well, she didn't answer, she walked away...to the other end of the room..."
"Nice way to make new friends, Ma."
I shrugged,"I really didn't mean to hurt her feelings. But I can fix it!"
"How?"
"I'll her that her river is just as great as my ocean...  how's that? 
"Also," I was excited, "I'll tell that her kids are the best too...if she has any..."
"You don't know?"
"I just met her."
"Oh," said Debbie, "but if she does have kids, maybe hers are not 'the best' like yours are...and mine," she added, laughing.
"That's right, they could be the worst!"
"Mmmm, maybe it's better not to mention them."
We both laughed.
I loved it when we agreed on something.

                                 THE END  

  

Free Shipping

                            "Free Shipping"

    It's 3am and I'm up! Eyes wide open...with, I'm sure, most of

my fellow seniors everywhere. Maybe our aches and pains woke u

us, or we have to go to the bathroom or to add something to our 'To

Do' list. Could be all three reasons.

"Again, Ma?" said my daughter Debbie when I told her over

the phone. "You say that every day...what's it about?"

I explained it, and added, "also, y'know... worrying."

"Why? We're all ok."

I nodded,..."The World. I'm worrying about The World."

"The what???"

"The World", I repeated, "your world, my world..."

And then over the phone I sensed her eye roll, her first of the day,

(but probably not her last,)

 "So...how does it help your....our world when you get up

 at night and worry about it?"

"I know, you're right" I said, and the usual cliches popped

into my head;

 'Life is too short to spend it worrying.' 

'Stay in the moment, not in tomorrow.' 

'It could always be worse!'

'Worry causes wrinkles.' (Ha! Now they tell me!))
                                                          
"But Deb, I do try to go back to sleep. I turn on the TV..."

"The TV," she interrupted,  "how can that put you to sleep. If

anything it'd keep you awake...you'd want to see how the

movie  ends..."
                          
"Uh uh, no way do I watch a movie...too risky, they'll throw a

 surprise ending at you, maybe something awful! I also don't watch

 crime shows, hospital dramas... no hurt children, or lost dogs,

 and never news, especially breaking news! "

"Well, that's everything!" said Debbie."So, what else is there...

 'Housewives'"?

 "Ugh, and more ugh! They're too nasty for me in the middle of the

 night...or the middle of the day for that matter." No,

 I watch the shopping channel. They sell everything at that

 hour, from soup to nuts, literally... to women's clothing,

that's my favorite. Now they're showing summer dresses, pants,

tops in colors like 'majestic purple', 'azaela pink', 'geranium'..."

" Mmmm... nice," said Debbie,"that must send you back to sleep."

"Well... yes and no. Some of the T shirts in the designers'

collection's are named with delicious sounding colors such as

'papaya', 'peach', 'pink grapefruit','apricot,' 'cranberry',

'watermelon', and 'candy apple red'! Ohhh, that sends me alright,

 into the kitchen.

 "Ma, no."

"Then, after my snack, I called the TV station to order some T's..."

"Why, you could've ordered them this morning...at a normal time."
  
"No, they were offering 'free shipping' but only for that hour...they

know their audience, we seniors watch our 'pennies'"

"Yeah, I know, like using your tea bag over again..."

I laughed, that was one of Debbie's favorite subjects, me and my

tea bags.

"So, what did you buy?"

I couldn't speak, a yawn was coming on... a big one...

"Ma? Are you there?"

"Uh ...I gotta go... talk to you later."

"Are you ok ?"

I was sinking fast, "Nap...need a nap," I grunted a few

more incoherent words, and hung up the phone.

                                        THE END
                                   

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   

No Filter

                                                              NO  FILTER

      Okay, so I did it again, not a crime...not a sin, but "not nice!"

  That's what I was told as soon as we left the party; "Ma, do you

  have to say everything that comes into your mind?"

  I've heard that a lot, most recently from a stranger to our group  at

  a  'Life Style' meeting."You seniors, you just say anything that

  pops into your head!" was the comment. It was also, clearly, an

  accusation.

 So what was I, with my reputation for a big mouth, supposed to

do? Deny it? Defend it? Explain it?All three came to mind

instantly.

1) The first, denial would be the simplest The debate would run

short course; I'd say," It's not true, she'd say, "It is." I'd repeat it

with the utmost vehemence. End of conversation.

2) Defend it. " Well, why not? " I would say with a

touch of impatience. "We spend a lifetime being tactful, watching

our words, swallowing our thoughts. One of these years...or days,

one way or the other, each of us will be rendered speechless, so

why not speak now?"

She was referring to the comment I made to my friend's son

Adam who was there with his girlfriend, Carol.They had been

going together for years, and from my viewpoint of the

Fifties era, after the couple dated for a little while they got

married! This was ridiculous.

So, coming from that culture I blurted out, as we were

leaving," So, Adam, why don't you marry the girl already!"

There were several embarrassed expressions... none looking

directly at me. Only Debbie's eye roll clued me in to what I just

did, and, accompanied by her head shaking I knew it was bad!

"Weren't those cupcakes out of this world," I said, "love  

to get that recipe."

"My mother is very good at that" I heard Debbie say in a loud

whisper.

A compliment! "Well, thanks! Especially my chocolate

chips ones!" 

"No Ma, I mean you're good at changing the subject."

Now it was my turn to be embarrassed, My daughter knew me so

well !  

"C'mon" I said to Debbie as we got into the car, "It wasn't so

terrible what I told them, they weren't hurt or angry...and," I

added,"people don't mind.!"

"You mean like the young mother at Stop and Shop the other day,

she did mind!"

"You think so? All I did was tell her that the  carrier wasn't

comfortable for the baby."

"And  that her five years old's daughter's jacket wasn't buttoned

right!"

"So?"

"So, you don't even know her."

"No, I never saw her before and probably never will again..."

"That's why, ...it's none of..."

"my business ?" I finshed her sentence.

" How would you like if people tell YOU whatever they think.?"

"Like what?"

"Well, let's see, head to toe, you really should get a shorter hair

cut, grey hair is not attractive if it's long...and how about a touch

up more often...also the texture is too coarse, you need to try a new

conditioner..." her eyes swept to my feet, "hmmm, sandals with

socks, Ma, really! She continued, " and... using the same tea bag

over again..."

"Stop! that's enough! I get it...!"

So,okay, she's right I thought, I'll try to keep my opinions to

myself. I knew it would not be easy, because I have a zillion of

them on every possible subject. They have a way of adding up as

the years add up for a senior.

But although I was feeling badly about my remarks to Adam

it wasn't for too long. A few days after the party we got the news,

Adam and Carol announced their engagement and would be

married in the Fall! Their family's and friends were thrilled, but I

started to worry.

What if, up ahead in the future, even in the distant future, if the

marriage didn't work out, would they all remember that it was me

that urged it?

Now that is a really good reason to keep my big mouth shut!


                                   THE END

MY Rebellion

           
                                                     My Rebellion                


 I pulled up in front of Debbie’s house and got out of the car, we

were going together to a bridal shower for one of our cousins.

She held out her hand for my car keys, and I was happy to give

them to her. She hated the way I drove and I hated to drive!

I hugged her, then gave her a long look and she gave me a long

look.

I spoke first, “Is that what you’re wearing?” I asked.

She was in jeans and a plaid flannel shirt. True, we weren’t

going to the most formal affair in the world but not

something a little nicer than that? She read my mind

and ignored it.

“What about you, Ma?” she said, “How come you’re not wearing

the blouse that I got you for your birthday?”

I nodded. “It is nice…very pretty…but, I can’t.” I shook my

head and became very occupied with something in my bag.

"Why not, it's your size!".

“Uh, huh, “it fits…but…” I didn’t really want to but I had

to explain, “it’s pink.”

" I know."

“I‘ve mentioned this before. I don’t wear pink.”

"That’s why I got it for you, because I never see you in

that color.”

“That’s right, because … I can’t,” I said.

She shrugged, “What about red. You wear red don’t you? Red is

a darker shade of pink”.

“No, it isn’t. And I love red and all colors except…”

“pink.” Debbie finished my sentence. “ Maybe” she began..." 

I knew where she was going because everyone is psychoanalyst,

have been since Sigmund Freud. We learned from him about

the sub-conscious mind and it’s effect on behavior.

I interrupted her, “Did I tell you that when I was in Vienna I went

with a tour group to Freud’s office? It looked like any other office,

but it did include a couch, was it THE couch?”

I knew that Debbie, and the others talked about me, wondered

what in the world was the matter with me…‘she can’t wear pink’.

Not, ‘she doesn’t like the color, or prefers other colors, that’s

normal… but can’t…?

“You know, I love yellow!” I said brightly, “the color of

sunshine … and blue, the color of the sea and the sky…green,

especially grass green, the color of…”

“grass.” said Debbie.

“Maybe,”she continued with her instant analysis, pink is

 too 'girly' for you, is my theory."

“Hah! I’m as 'girly' as anyone else!” Now I was angry. “What

 about you, in that plaid flannel shirt?”…You look like a

lumberjack! I wanted to say, but didn‘t.

“Because, right after the party I’m going to meet Neil, we’re going

bike riding on the new boardwalk.”

Sure, that explains her outfit, but nothing, nothing explains my

issue. I have wondered about it over the years, tried to understand

it. I didn’t like a puzzle, or a ‘mystery’ (albeit a minor, unimportant

one) hanging over my head and now as a senior, I felt the need to

tie up the loose ends of my life.

“The only thing I can think of,” I confided to Debbie, on our way

to the shower, is that pink, very pink dress that Nana,” (now 97

years old) “bought and made me wear at my Sweet Sixteen party. I

wanted to wear my turquoise dress with the white dotted  trim

around the neckline, but she wouldn't let me."

My resentment stayed with me all that day and then I forgot it. Or

did I? Would Freud  think differently, that it just went underground

for all the years and my refusal to wear pink was my rebellion?

I have seen Debbie roll her eyes and wave her arms innumerable 

times over the years, in reaction to me, but this was different, she 

was driving a car. Keep your eyes on the road and your hands on

the wheel, I thought. 

"Ma," she said, "I can't believe it! All this time since you were

sixteen! How many years is that?” She started counting on her

hand, by decade.

“Never mind the math", I said, "let’s just say it’s long ago."

Although my issue, to quote a well known phrase,' doesn’t

amount to a hill of beans', I knew I couldn’t leave it there hanging

for another…what...half century…ok, more.  Uh, uh, I’m not

getting any younger, I had to resolve it while I still could.

And it would be good for my mother,who was still a pretty smart

lady. Could she have, on some level noticed that she never saw me

in pink after that day?? 

And it would surely be good  lesson for my daughter to see that

with "old age and maturity comes wisdom." Well, sometimes.

 Maybe.

And it would be good for me if I was in fact holding on to anger

 for so long.

We had a wonderful time at the shower, with our family and
friends, and all the high hopes for the future. And for me it was a

good respite from the concerns of the day.
 
But less that a minute after we walked out the door, Debbie

said, "So Ma, your 'problem'...what are you going to do 

about it?"

"What do you mean?"I said, but I knew what she meant.
 
"Y'know, your 'pink thing.' "

"Oh, hmmm," My head began to hurt. What was I going to do?
 
This was big, it required deep thought...or did it?

Really, I scolded myself, would it kill me to wear pink!!

I could start small, like a  pink tank top under a cardigan sweater,

navy blue or black,which would be buttoned almost to the top,

so only a little of the pink peaked through.

Then I'd wait a couple of weeks and wear it again, this time

leaving a few more of the sweater buttons undone,  repeat

it until finally, summer would be here, and I wouldn't wear the

sweater at all.

So Voila! There I'd be all in pink. I was excited. What a pretty

color it was...Or was it all along? (Oy Vey!)  


                                        THE END
 
















                                  


                                        

One Senior's Rambling Thoughts

                                                           Needy Seniors

"It's a beautiful day today, isn't it Ma? Looks like winter is finally over", said Debbie.

"Finally is right"...I paused, "but.."

"BUT?" interrupted Debbie, "isn't this what you have been talking about ...for months?"

She was rolling her eyes. I didn't see it because we talking on the telephone but I knew it.

"And we have 'sunshine' today, you love that!"

I nodded.

"Well,?" she said

"Well, I'm nodding."

"Then why aren't you happier? You always made it sound like if you had 'sunshine' and

 'sunlight' that was the be-all and end-all for you. Why are you complaining?"

"Because it's still a little chilly, by now it really should be warmer..." I heard the

anger in my own voice.

"Ma, you have to stop taking  it personally when God  doesn't  give you  exactly the

weather  you want.!"

"Do I?"

"Yes, you may not say it, but you're thinking it."

"You're right" I said, and I thought, I am a horrible person!

"You're so needy" she mumbled, "Are all your friends so needy?"

Hmmpf, are yours? I wanted to say, but didn't.

We agreed that she'd pick me up at 11:30, my appointment with the realtor was at 1.

I  was thinking about moving to Long Beach, to an apartment with a window looking

out to the ocean and the boardwalk. We'd have brunch first at the Diner, their

French Toast was well known and scrumptous!

As we were seated an infant was wailing at the table next to us. I love babies, but please,

don't have your tantrum here, now...so close to us. The woman with her, obviously

her grandmother, was apologetic; "She needs her Mommy," she explained.

I smiled, trying to be nice, yeah,we need her Mommy too I  said to myself while it all

came back to me, that stage when the infant/ toddler gets the 'separation anxiety' even

if the  parent is only in another room.

The subject of 'neediness' was busying itself in my mind. I needed my sugar  fix right

 now (unpopular though it currently is.). And it seemed to me that Debbie needed

her caffeine dose and food in her belly, right now. But these were physical needs, what

about the others, like the baby next to us?

We had time before our appontment so we decided to take a walk on the boardwalk,

apparently sharing the idea with many others, some jogging, strolling with baby

carriages, bicycling, and seniors seated on the benches, looking out to the

blue blue sea, glistening in the sun.

Everybody needed something today, I thought. If there was a contest of who

needed what the most, there 'd be no winners.
.
I didn't know what I was more entranced with ...the sea or the people. An elderly

couple strolled by, holding hands. Did they know how fortunate they were? I think so.

Down on the sand a young twenty-something girl sat staring at the ocean. Her

 demeanor showed her neediness, for someone to love, who would love her in return.

 Her soulmate. And he was out there somewhere needing her!

Then that song popped into my head;" People, people who need people... are the luckiest

people in the world..." I like Barbra, she has an exquisite voice, and the best thing...she is

a Brooklyn girl! But.that song lyric baffles me, WHY, are people who need

people the luckiest people in the world? Sure, they could  be lucky but only if their

needs are met by other people who need them in return! I guess the lyricist couldn't be

bothered explaining it. His need was to fit his words into the tempo of the music.

So there it is. From infancy to old age and everyone in between, all of us are 'needy.'

                                                THE END

        P.S. Be kind to one another.







."                                        

Three Things

                                                              THREE THINGS

                                                            


                I opened the  door to Debbie, she was dripping wet. She had come to return

                the scarf  she'd borrowed;"Yuk! What a day, 'snow mixed with rain'."             

                "Yeah " I said, "and I stepped in a puddle of it!"

                "Ma! There's ice under the water. people are slipping. Why did you

                 go out today, yesterday was a beautiful day for shopping."

                "And miss the sunshine," I said,  "uh,uh, I'm not going to spend a day like

                that in stores and malls. I'd rather go out on an ugly day... so I went

               early to Stop and Shop,"

                Debbie shook her head, "I could've  gone for you...what did you

                 need ... milk, eggs, bread...?"

                "Well... not exactly..."

                "And what did you do yesterday, sit on the patio, take a nice walk...?"

                "Oh no, it was much too cold for that. But I sat on the couch near

                the window and when the sun moved I moved with it to the kitchen

                window and then as it was setting I sat at my bedroom window..."

                "Ha" said Debbie, " like Cody. Remember how he'd lay on the carpet

                wherever the spot of  sunlight was and follow it all day from room

                to room? "
              
               We both laughed at the memory. "Y'know Ma, you always used to

               say that you wanted to be Cody, that 'a dog's life was not so bad' "

               "Woof, woof" I barked. I thought it was funny, she didn't laugh.

              Her eyes were narrow with concern, " But really, you just sit there
 
             wherever the sunlight hits...?"

              "Well, I'm not just sitting there. I have a book with me, or my lap top...

              y'know I'm new at it but I love it, the internet..e mails, and yes," I nodded,

              "sometimes I  do take a nap.  But not on  the rug!" I added.

              Having the talent to read minds isn't always a good  thing. I read hers

              and sent a telepathic message back; 'My darling, I do not need to go to

              rehab and I don't need  therapy for my 'sunlight ' thing... which I do admit

             has become a  kind of  'addiction' with me this winter. But rehab is for

             addiction that ruins people's lives ...hurts their loved ones... does mine?
 
             "So,"Debbie broke into my thoughts,"what did you have to go out for in

             this awful weather?"

             I hesitated, and trying to sound casual, I said, " 'Good And Plenty"

             Debbie gasped, "You went out for candy?! "
.
             "It's not just candy, it's my Good and Plenty, and I was down to my last

             one!" I heard the emotion in my own voice.

             Debbie shook her head.."Neither sleet nor snow shall..." With that she took

              her cell phone out of her bag and began pressing buttons.

             "Who are you calling?'  I asked.

             "No one. Texting." She looked up briefly, "Have you spoken to Steve

             about this?"

             "Huh? Spoken to your brother ...about what?!"

            "You know... the sunlight thing...the Good and Plenty thing...these

            obsessions of yours..."

            'Obsessions'. Hmm, is that better or worse than 'addictions'...?"It's

            not a big deal Debbie, so I have a few things that I feel strongly about..."

            "A few!" she interrupted, "What are the others...??""

           I shook my head..."Well, just one other, crossword puzzles. I keep a

           big supply..from newspapers, magazines, I  can't run out of them!"

          Again, there was that emotion in my voice that I couldn't help.
              
          "Three things" I heard her mumble as she went back to her texting.

          As soon as she was done my phone rang, It was Steve. "Hi Ma, I heard about

          about your...uh, three things..I'm stopping by on my way home..we have some

          ideas for you."

          "Ideas...about what?"
  
          "We'll tell you when I get there," he said.

          While we waited for him Debbie and I had tea and cookies, with our usual

          heated discussion about my using her tea bag for my cup also. She couldn't

           stand it!

          Debbie told me to turn on my computer so when Steve came they went straight

           to it, and clicked on Google. Search; Crossword Puzzles. Up came a page

           headed;  'Free  Daily Crossword Puzzles.'
 .
          I cought my breath," I didn't know about this! Debbie, Steve."
 
          "Ma,  see what it says, you can work them on line, or you can print them

          out,  and look, it says 'Thousands of  Puzzles, " You never have to go out

          for them again." said Steve.

          " ' In sleet or snow...'. like the postman..." said Debbie. " He has to!" You don't!"

           Next she clicked on Google: Good And Plenty', and suddenly the screen was
   
          filled with the images of the Pink and White candy. My heart beat faster just

          seeing them. "Wow!" I shouted, jumped up and clapped my hands.

          "And Ma, now that you're  becoming  '.hi tech' You can order these on

          line too, they'll send them fresh every month."

          "OMG! You'll show me how!"

          "Okay, so the crossword puzzle problem is taken care of. The Good and Plenty

          thing is taken care of, "But sorry  Ma," they both laughed,  "we can't do

          anything about 'sunlight' for you!"

          I got up and hugged them both close to me, and then I broke into song,

          'You are my sunshine, My only sunshine, You make me happy, when skies

          are grey...."

          Steve turned red and looked uncomfortable, Debbie rolled her eyes,

         (her second roll of the day). I knew how they hated it when I got mushy

        with them so I tried  not to do it too often.  But today I didn't care so I

        kept on serenading them,."You'll never know my dears, how much

        I love you..."as they both edged over to the door and left.
                                                
                                                        THE END