On my way home from seeing my mother in Brooklyn, I stopped by
Debbie’s house with the extra satchel that they needed for their weekend
trip. They were taking Lenny to look at colleges in Boston… about a four
hour drive. After a few minutes I hugged them all goodbye, “Call me when
you get there" I told Debbie, fully expecting her reaction.
She protested, “Ma, I don’t know what time we’ll get there. Could be much
later than we think…y’know, weekend traffic,” she began, “and the weather,
they’re predicting rain, could be flooding on the road…skidding…cars will
stall…poor visibility causes accidents … lots of problems…”
I couldn’t stop her, she went on and on listing every possible disaster
that might delay them.
“… sometimes when the brakes get wet” she continued, “they won’t work.”
“ I know , I know” I said, edging to the door. “Call me anyway, even if it’s
late.” I didn’t wait for her reply, I was going to have the last word!
A few minutes later at home, I checked my e mails. There were 4 of them
from Staples and Home Depot, which I deleted, and 2 unknown, which I
sent to my junk mail. Then I looked at my phone messages; there were three
from the same number, my mother’s. What was the matter? She was fine
when I left her only an hour or so ago. Worriedly I called her back, “What’s
wrong, what happened?!”
“Nothing happened. Why didn’t you call me when you got home?”
“Mom! I’m just here on L.I., you’re in Brooklyn, less than an hour
away …( if I’m lucky, I said to myself, very, very lucky,… that Belt
Parkway…!)“And I stopped off at Debbie’s just before they…….” I caught
myself, did my mother really need to know that Debbie and the family were
starting off on a long drive? Did it make sense that she as well as myself
would not be able to sleep until we heard from them? Kindness was my
motive… wasn’t it??
This is a custom in our family as well as in many others. I remember years
ago when we arrived at our destination we’d make the long distance call
‘person to person’ because you didn’t have to pay for it unless that person
got on the line. So you gave the ‘operator’ a fake name and the family
member at home understood; the message was,“We’re here, everything's fine."
For that matter, how far back does it go,... centuries...with smoke signals?
I had at least 4 hours before Debbie, Paul and Lenny would be in Boston, so
between checking in on the weather channels to track the coming storm and
the traffic report for any accidents reported along their route, I had plenty
of time to mull over our “call me when you get there” thing. I was annoyed
with my mother (her 98 years of age notwithstanding), Debbie was annoyed
with me, her son will be annoyed with her when he starts to drive.
What is this all about?
Some people have doctors or lawyers in their family… or plumbers, (they’re
the luckiest.) We don’t. But we do have a Social Psychologist, writers,
journalists and college students who are majoring in Anthropology,
Philosophy or Psychology.
And one grandson who is a world traveler, Charles. I could start with him.
Over the years he has lived in Japan, Brazil, Iceland; and is in Sweden at
the moment. I’ll ask him, “Do the Swedes also have the ‘Call me when you
get there’ family tradition?”
And to my psychologist grandson; Question: Why was Debbie always so
irritated with me when I asked her to ‘call me’? Is it so hard to make a
simple phone call? What does she really object to?
OR I could ask my other grandson, a college freshman, studying
Anthropology. What about the aboriginal tribes and their smoke signals? What
were they saying to each other, ‘We just arrived, we‘re OK, don’t worry.”??
OR to my grandson Neil, college Philosophy student; “ Is a lie of
omission the same as an outright lie; for example, my not telling my
mother that Debbie’s family were going on a long trip out of town?
OR my granddaughter who is a Psychology major? When my mother finds
out about Debbie’s drive to Boston will she ever trust me again? And as a
result will her phone calls to me increase. She did call me 3 times and I was
only an hour away.
AND what was the real reason I didn’t tell her? Was it because I was being
considerate or were my true motives selfish ones.? So I would not be
bothered with her phone calls to me?
I had a good five hours of thinking and not to be overly dramatic I was ‘in
the throes of a dilemma’ or ‘on the horns of a dilemma“? I’ll ask Natalie my
journalist grand-daughter which one is more appropriate.
Debbie and her family had left Long island at 7 -7:30PM. Allowing for
weekend traffic and weather I estimated that they should arrive in Boston
by midnight. Of course I couldn’t sleep until I got her call. Watching TV is
the way to do that but what to watch... no scary, horror or hospital stories, no
hurt children, lost dogs, uh uh! What about that channel that tells about
Americans that are looking for rental apartments in Paris? Could be fun and
stress free to watch, but after a few hours of it ( I'm Type A) I couldn't
wait! On a whim, I called Debbie’s cell phone…and she answered!
“Ma … oh…yeah, we’re here at the hotel, everything is fine.”
I did not ask her when they’d gotten there. I did not ask her why she didn’t
call me.Or " Did you forget?!" Uh, uh.
But at that moment it struck me, the answer to my dilemma, and almost
everyone else’s dilemma;
The phrase “CALL ME WHEN YOU GET THERE” is OUTDATED!
I will never have to utter those words again!
Why do I have to wait for her to call me? I'll call her.
If she hasn't arrived at her destination I'll call her again, once, twice,or more
times if necessary until I reach her.
So a tradition of hundreds, maybe thousands of years is being overturned
with the new technology.
Cell phones, I love you.
THE END
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