My Intensity

                                    MY INTENSITY

The Graduation ceremony was over. As Debbie and I waited for Natalie in the

auditorium I was still dabbing at my eyes, "She's so grown up!" I blubbered. "It

wasn't that long ago she was starting first grade, and soon she'll be entering high

school."

"I know Ma," said Debbie, "She looked wonderful, didn't she?"

"Ah, here she comes." I went forward for my hug, "Sweetheart," I said, tearing

up again, "great graduation! Did you see us when you went up for your diploma?

I was waving to you..."

Debbie rolled her eyes, "Hon, I tried to stop her..." 

"I did see you Grandma," said Natalie, laughing, " but I couldn't wave back."

We walked onto the parking lot; "There's my car. I'll meet you there." I said.

A few minutes later I got to the Diner and Debbie and Natalie pulled in right

behind me. Inside I saw the table I wanted near the window overlooking the

garden. I motioned to Debbie, "That one," I pointed.

"Okay" she said, putting her hands up. I walked over to it quickly and pulled

out the corner chair that was facing the window. It occurred to me that Debbie

liked the seat facing out also, and I did feel selfish about it. But the feeling was

brief, I cannot, cannot face the wall! 

"Where's your sweater?" I asked Natalie, as we settled in.

She shook her head, " Too warm today" she answered.

"But the AC" I said, hearing the tension in my own voice.

"It's okay Grandma, I'm not cold."

I shook my head," But you should always..."

"Drop it Ma, she's fine!" said Debbie, picking up the menu. " Let's order." 

The waiter came over," What would you like young lady?" Natalie didn't

answer. I looked up, Debbie didn't answer either. He was looking at me!

" 'Young lady'?" I repeated, staring back at him and thinking, if looks could

kill. "Cute," I said through gritted teeth.

"Ma," Debbie laughed, "he's just being nice..."

"I may be old but I'm not stupid" I mumbled under my breath. "This 'young

lady' will have the Greek Salad" I said without looking at him.

As we had our meal Natalie filled me in about her plans; she'll be going to

summer camp where she'll be an aide to a counselor for younger children.

As she spoke I welled up again and smiled at Debbie, who looked as proud.

"Grandma is very emotional..." Debbie explained, "intense. You must have

been something as a teenager, Ma, especially during those pre-menstrual times!"

"Yes, I remember, and then when that was over came the pre-menopausal phase,

not much fun either," I said

"And now" asked Debbie.

"Now? Nothing, but I do feel things deeply. Anything wrong with that?!"

"Well, no. Are all your friends like you? You're that way with everything,

even weather...."

"Whether what?" I said.

"No, weather, y'know rain,snow, sun...Grandma is a 'pluviophile'," said

Debbie. We both looked puzzled.

"Hmm" said Natalie," 'phile', lover of... what are you a 'lover of' Grandma?"

"Oh, lots of things. Where should I start...my first cup of coffee in the morning,

an ice cream cone with chocolate sprinkles..."

" A 'pluviophile is a lover of rain!" said Debbie.

"Yes, that too! I like the way it sounds as it hits the window, the way it smells,

especially on new spring grass... Remember" my voice trembled, "without rain

there is no life! Thing is though, I don't like cloudy skies, I need sunshine badly."

"Now if it  could only rain and be sunny at the same time!" said Natalie. We all

laughed, "Any ideas Grandma?" 

"Well, with all the high tech brain power you ...uh, 'millennials' have,..."

They stared at me wide-eyed. "Yes! I know that word! So how about it

a 21st century rain dance!" 

When we were done and got up to leave Natalie hugged me, "Thanks for

coming to my graduation Grandma."

"Yeah Ma, thanks." said Debbie. "So, are you going straight home?"

I nodded, and her next words to me were the exact ones that I have said

to her thousands of times before; "Call me when you get there."

I felt the emotion rising, my face redden.

Debbie stared at me, "What now" asked Debbie.

I couldn't speak. Are the tables turning, I thought and then I decided, I liked it!

                                                              THE  END